Thursday, April 28, 2011

Pregancy calendar

Yesterday, while the students took their TAKS test....and I struggled with sleepiness, my mind began to wonder. 

Since DH and I are currently TTC again, I began to think of all my pregnancies and it was mind least for me. 

Pregnancy 1 - August and a half years would pass before our next BFP
Pregnancy 2 - February 08-July 08.....only 6 months between T and E
Pregnancy 3 - February 09-June 09....only 6 months between E and "Goober"
Pregnancy 4 - December '10 - January '11...only 5 months between "Goober" and "Peanut"
Pregnancy 5 - August '11-September '11.....only 6 months between "Peanut" and Baby B

So in 4 1/2 years I have been pregnant ALOT...sometimes you cant see how much until you put it on paper.  Just kind of makes you say WOW.  I even had to laugh at the stats when I saw them.  My longest stretch was before 2008, after that I have been one busy lady.

I just hope the pattern continues and we get a BFP really soon. 

summer time

As the summer approaches, I find myself thinking of the girls more and more.Mainly because the girls birthdays are approaching....Elizabeth June 21st and Tiffany July 21st.  Elizabeth would have been 2 and Tiffany would have been 3.

Sometimes I try to picture my life if they were here.  Would there be crayon colors on the wall, juice stains in the carpet, toys on the floor, hand prints on the window, a step stool in the bathroom, fluffy animals on the bed, pink dresses in the closet......the list goes on and on.

Its hard to believe it has been 2 and 3 years since we lost them.  Sometimes it feels like its been longer, sometimes it feels like it just happened.  Although I have been on this journey for a while, it is still hard to believe all of this has happened.  Sometimes I feel as though I am watching a movie...but the end never comes.  It just keeps going and going and going. 

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Whats Regular

I am soooo not use to the flip flopping of my cyle.  I dont think I was quite prepared for the confusion my body would go through after the TAC was placed. 

Once my hypothyroidism was diagnosed in 2003 and I was finally placed on the right medication, my cycles have been very regular.  (Even though I went from 2003 - 2004 with no cycle!!!)  Even after the loss of my girls, I regained my cycle within 6 to 8 weeks.

So here I am....2 months after the TAC was placed.  I got my cycle only 2 days after my surgery, which I thought was a good sign, but then in March, I started 5 days late....April I should have ovulated on Friday, but ended up ovulaing on Monday...GRRRR....SO I MISSED THE WINDOW.

I am sooooo frustrated, I just want to be pregnant and have a chance to be an earthly mother, to a child I have carried, which I can raise and love and spoil.......AM I ASKING FOR TOO MUCH. Sometimes I feel as though I am wanting too much.  Maybe I had my chance and it is now gone and I need to move on in life.  OR maybe I am just being impatient and I just want it sooner than God wants me too.  I JUST WISH I KNEW WHICH WAY TO GO. 

Those of you who have the TAC how long did it take you to become pregnant after it was placed OR is your body still trying to adjust?