Friday, March 25, 2011

The Tug at Your Heart

Have you ever felt a pull at your heart that's so deep, it cant be explained?

Have you ever felt like someone or something is so deep in your heart that you can feel their soul in you?


I have felt a tug at my heart which is so deep and so strong and so powerful, that I know it has to be my girls sending their love to me...telling me hello....saying "Mommy we love you". 

My eyes fill with tears but not always sad tears. I have always felt that when a person, passed away they we're gone in every way, shape, and form.  But now, I know I was wrong....even though our loved ones are no longer in our presence, they are in us.

The first time I felt this feeling, I was so scared that I was going crazy...that I had fallen so deep into my grief that I was losing my mind.  I felt like Tiffany (aka Tiffy) was here with me....I felt like she could have been in my arms, in my home, and in our lives physically.  I told my DH with tears in my eyes, I feel Tiffany, shes calling for me, she missing me, she loves me. He didn't quite understand and was a bit confused, but he could easily see that I was serious and that I was truly feeling my child.

Sometimes, I feel Elizabeth (aka Lizy Pooh) as well.  She comes on just as strong as Tify.  Then there are times I feel both the girls in such a joyful way, like they are playing....what a smile this brings to my face.

I hope none of you feel that I am crazy, I just think its the love I have for them and the love they have for me. Its difficult to explain the feeling you get when you know that your loved one is still with you

It funny how things go back and forth on this journey called grief.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Thursday, March 3, 2011



I am in my two week window and I am hoping for a BFP in about 14 days!!!!  I know I am putting myself out there but I really do think there is a chance. 

Since having the TAC on the 14th of February, I wanted to follow my ovulation and cycle closely.  I know that the surgery can throw things off, so I was concerned that I would get off track and not know exactly then my cycle or ovulation was due.  So I decided to purchase an ovulation kit.

I knew that ovulation was due Monday, February 28th.

So I decided to begin tracking on Friday, but day after day there was NOTHING.  On Monday, nothing; Tuesday, nothing; and then on Wedesday, it showed I was OVULATING.....just when I had given up for the month and down to my last test...

So keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer for me that I get my BFP